Skills Coaching
What Is Coaching?
Sometimes, simply talking through problems is not enough, especially when those problems are emotionally-charged. What we really need are specific skills that can help us stay calm in the midst of life’s stressors and self-regulate when we feel triggered or overwhelmed.
Skills coaching seeks to address these gaps. We operate from the perspective that we struggle in life because we were never taught the skills to thrive. If no one has taught us how to recognize and regulate what we feel, then we can’t be expected to do so on our own.
This perspective is liberating and empowering. Why? Because according to DBT, it isn’t our fault that we struggle. We aren’t broken, and we aren’t condemned to suffer forever. We simply haven’t been taught an effective way to move forward.
When we are provided with concrete steps for coping with painful emotions, improving our relationships, and fostering healthier habits, we can feel more confident and competent in our lives. In short, we can build a life worth living.
Questions about The Middle Path?
Our approach is derived from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a popular therapeutic approach that teaches clients to challenge, reframe, and replace negative thoughts. While CBT can be very helpful, it has its shortcomings and limitations. CBT assumes negative thoughts are distortions, and that if you just learn how to swap those distorted thoughts for something more positive, you’ll be less anxious or depressed.
Unfortunately, there are times when this approach can feel invalidating or dismissive. It can make people feel like their emotional pain is baseless or unfounded and their problems are not legitimate or grounded in reality.
This is where skills coaching comes in. We help people find “The Middle Path” between acceptance and change. It teaches people to look at their struggles from a lens of: What I feel is valid and makes sense, AND at the same time that shouldn’t stop me from pursuing change and growth.
This is the “dialectic” at the heart of DBT, that you can accept the way you feel while still working to improve the things that are within your control. For many clients, once they fully realize this truth it’s like a lightbulb comes on. Through coaching, they’re able to find relief that they haven’t found elsewhere, because it both validates their feelings and gives them specific skills for working through their pain.
How Does Skills Coaching Work?
At The Middle Path, DBT is the framework behind nearly everything we do. Our individual skills coaching sessions as well as the skill groups we run are rooted in DBT, and we always tailor our to specifically suit each organization.
In the beginning, we will generally start by teaching you the foundational skills of living with self-acceptance and without self-judgment. We’ll help you understand that your thoughts and emotions, instead of being “wrong,” are carriers of important information. Once you understand what your thoughts and emotions are telling you, it is easier to tolerate them, regulate them, and figure out if they need to be changed or not.
From there, we will focus on the four main pillars of skill-building in DBT, which include:
- Mindfulness techniques for helping you stay present in the moment instead of getting hung up on the past or worrying about the future
- Distress tolerance strategies for empowering you to handle crises and difficult situations without making them worse
- Emotional regulation skills for reducing your stress levels and improving your mood
- Interpersonal effectiveness tools for communicating in a way that allows you to get your needs met while still maintaining respect
Since these are strategies that take time to learn and hone, their effects are not always immediate. But with enough practice and commitment, the skills you gain can ultimately lead to improvements in your mental health, your relationships, and every area of your life.
What Does The Research Say About Skills Work?
Over the years, numerous research studies have proven DBT’s mettle in helping people of all ages overcome complex trauma, heal relationship wounds, and better their emotional wellbeing (2). At The Middle Path, we’ve used these skills to help schools districts and educators work through challenges and build lives worth living. Many of our clients have been let down by other approaches to wellness, but they’ve found relief through a comprehensive skill-based approach and the way it can be easily integrated into their lives.
Our Experience
Our practice founder and skills coach, Dr. Jill Rubinstein, is trained in facilitating skills work in group settings and has led workshops on a national level educational conferences. She has been teaching for over two decades and has worked as a public school teacher, adult learning specialist, and district-wide equity coach.
Having begun her career in public education, Dr. Jill quickly came to see how trauma affects people’s ability to think logically and problem-solve. She also realized that most people will do anything to avoid feeling pain.
At the same time, Jill recognized that she was using work as a way of avoiding her own painful emotions. She knew that this way of life wasn’t sustainable, so she checked herself into a residential DBT facility. After 64 days there, she emerged with a newfound hope, understanding, and peace of mind. She wanted to bring the skills she learned to the general public and help other people work through their own mental health crises. As a result, she went back to school to earn her certification in facilitating this type of skills building.
Today, Dr. Jill is passionate about bringing wellness skills to as many people as possible. In addition to her work with individuals, she has experience leading skills groups in school districts, non-profits and corporate environments.
Learn Skills That Can Last A Lifetime
If you want to learn a new template for mindful living, stress management, and healthy communication, then skills coaching may be perfect for you. To connect with Dr. Jill and learn more about The Middle Path’s approach to coaching, you can email her or use the contact form. I look forward to working with you!
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Steamboat Springs, CO 80487